How to write your own vows

Our steps to writing your own vows…

The thought of writing your own vows can make your legs turn to jelly and bring little beads of sweat to your forehead 44 minutes faster than an F45 class.

Lauren delivering her vows at Stones of the Yarra Valley, as captured by Apertura

It is such a common fear and scary place for couples, much more daunting to some than you would think! BUT, the good news is it doesn’t have to be.

If you take a little time to sit down, read through our tips and just START….then it will all come together and the reward will be wonderful. Standing in front of your partner, and laying your love out on the line, and saying exactly how you feel in your own personal words is such an intimate moment.

Please don’t let this scare you though, your partner is not marrying you for your writing abilities (well…they might be) and keep in mind that they are just words that will never be a full reflection of your love for them.

Tips to writing your vows…

Firstly, let me say that there is no right or wrong way to write your vows.

They can be any length, tone or tune you choose. If you feel like you want to be on a similar page to your fiance but don’t want to have an exact replica, then discuss a rough word count. You can always get creative and write a somewhat narrative about you and you partner and circle it back to where are today and the future. You can even sing your vows or rap them out… the choice is yours.

BUT, if you are feeling a little lost and fancy a little help, then here are our tips to get you started.

1. Include the legal sentence ‘I call upon the persons here present to witness that I {insert your full name here} take you {insert partners full name here} to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband/partner.

We recommend you start with this legal sentence first so that you a) don’t forget to say it b) get it out the way and c) will allow you to end on something more personal.

2. Ask yourself some questions and jot down the answers

What made you fall in love with your fiancé?

What made you decide you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them?

What are the things they do for you that makes them awesome? (can be serious –encourages you when you are scared to move forward….. or not –keeps my m&m stash stocked)

What have they taught you? (my husband taught me to chill out on the shopping and I would be BROKE without him)

How have they changed you as a person? Again, can be serious –taught me to see the glass half full with their love life everyday attitude or not –introduced me to Red wine and music in the bath.

What challenges have you faced together?

What is something you have done together that you would have never done on your own?

What are some values you both share?

What are some quirky things you love about your partner?

Why did you choose to marry this person?

What can you promise to give your partner in your marriage?

What goals do you both share that you will commit to working towards?

What do you want to achieve together in the future?

Cley delivering his vows at Stones of the Yarra Valley, as captured by Apertura
3. Roll it all together

Here is a rough look at how you might structure it.

Intro

Eg. When I first met you…. You are the person I choose to spend my life with…

I knew I wanted to be with you forever when…

Vow (about your partner)

Eg. You are the one that makes me…

Because of you, I …..

When I see your face/smile…

Vow (about you)

Eg. I will never let you….

You have taught me….

You give me…

Promise

Eg. I promise to always…

I promise to give you…

I promise to treat you…

I promise to love you….

I promise that we will….

You future together

Eg. I can’t wait to…..

Together we will…..

For the rest of our lives I will….

4. Send it to your celebrant for a read to see if you are both on similar pages in terms of tone and length
5. If you are really stuck, then give your celebrant a call and you can talk it through with them over a coffee or over the phone if you need.

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